he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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