i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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