Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
