wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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