i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
the raccoons are back...
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