I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
