I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
