He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
