Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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