We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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