Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
