R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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