Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
