i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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