It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
