Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
