he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
