i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
