I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm both gender and math confused
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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