One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
