I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
