sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
