Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
