Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You are a genius and a whore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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