piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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