I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
