At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
