he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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