No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
