office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
