Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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