I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
