I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
