Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
