he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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