Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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