Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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