so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
