he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
