I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
