he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
