Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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