Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
