Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
