What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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