I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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