i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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