apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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