So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
