i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
