I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
