i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
